Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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