are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
