Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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