I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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