I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
