Umm I'm too high to move.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
