Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
