that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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