I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I intend to get homeless drunk
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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