We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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