I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
