Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
