so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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