I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
