you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
