Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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