I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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