fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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