I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
