He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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