using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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