You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
