why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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