dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
