my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
