This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
