i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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