I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
