You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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