what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
