Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
