9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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