It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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