I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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