well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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