I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
