Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize