our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
