No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
