i permit you to call me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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