bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
