Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
