like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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