just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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