you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
where are you?
Hypothermia
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry about my life...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
