I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
