if only i could text you this smell
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
