She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
