She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
