your thong is hanging out like whoa
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
