I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
