I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just gift wrapped bread.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
