I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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