he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
