Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
