I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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