My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
