omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The feeling are messing with the penis
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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