think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
