It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
