8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sorry about my life...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
