mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
