I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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