I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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