He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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