there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
