we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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