I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
